I've been staring at this computer screen for about ten minutes now, and my past couple realizations are mind boggling and I couldnt agree more that the road to clairty drives you insane. I don't get why people strive for things that can NEVER be fully understood? ..I don't know why I do this to myself.
You know what I realized? that whenever I need him the most he's never there for me cause we're not in good terms, either that or we're on some kind of "break" or who has more pride than the other competition. I've only been running on 3 hours of sleep these past two days, and the whole my chest hurts and I can't breathe kind of thing has taken it's toll on my body once again. What sucks even more is when I wake up at wee hours in the morning and realize he isn't there on the phone with me. I realized that at the end of the day when I'm not feeling good I have no one to vent to or find comfort in anymore. Which just added another 20 pounds on my back. Thanks.
I realized that you should never ever trust and depend on someone soo much, because all I have left now is really just myself. I've noticed that most people only stay for the best, but never for the worst. I also come to realize that I care and think too much, when this isn't even rocket science. Maybe if we weren't so stubborn or prideful maybe we wouldn't be feeling this way. But then again, this is reality It takes a while for people to come to their senses, but I'm not naive I'm not going to wait for that. I've been let down way too many times and why am I going to waste my time on someone that doesn't even want to be with me? I'm stupid. I give permission for anyone to slap me cause my school, my health and my personality is in jepoardy right now. SOMEONE HELP ME :'(
