Time for a Change.

-Pardon my last blog entry, that was uncalled for but that's how angry I felt.

These past couple months I've gone through more than a young girl should. It's been filled with more blasts from the past than necessary. In fact, sometimes I wonder how I ever got through any of it in the first place -- or the second, or the third. You'd think it'd get easier, but it really never does. My decisions have clearly been impaired with everything I once lacked, and everything I've learned to fill for myself. I got so caught up with how hard it is when you put it all together that I forgot how easy it is to ask for help.

There's so much more to life than I've been allowing myself to live. I've made more than enough mistakes in just the past couple months -- mistakes I can't take back, but I've learned never to regret. It's a lesson I learned a long time ago. To be honest, I'm not fully okay just yet. I know I will be in time because I refuse to stop fighting. I refuse. Screw you nostalgia 'cause, in a little bit longer, I'll be more than fine.

So clearly my judgment for the past couple of weeks has been very much plagued with mediocrity, as my best friends would say. I have definitely not been cracked up to what I'm supposed to be, but it happens. Once again, I've been elightened. By what, I'm not sure. I just need to constantly remind myself that I'm better than the things I pull.

Life, It's not always rainbows and butterflies -- TRUE. BUT, that's because life's got hell of a lot more to offer than just rainbows and butterflies. There's so many aspects to look at, but you know what; life's just too good sometimes. I've got so much weight on my shoulders right now, but this is the best I've felt in awhile now. In fact, I feel myself getting back on track. I always tell myself that I really won't get anything if I, myself, do not make any effort. You'd think I wouldn't be happy with myself considering the decisions I've been making lately, but apparently, I'm starting to think a little wider, see a bit clearer, and love a lot better. This life I live is one hell of a ride, but I'm telling you, every single part of it is worth it... Many ask me, "Hey Arlaine. Why don't you regret anything?" I really just smile and say, "because I know that at the moment, it was exacly what I worked so hard to get, exacly what I strived so hard to be, and exactly what I wanted." So on the real, you don't live the good life based on what you got or who you can get. No, not at all.

Oh, I don't know what hit me, but I thank God for it. I'm back. Arlaine is back. I've figured out what's made me the way I've been for the past couple of months, and it's most definitely time for a change. Most definitely. Life is so so beautiful. My excuses for the way I've been acting is not justifiable. Sometimes I wonder how many times I can go through the same thing, but hey that's life. I don't know. I really haven't been acting like myself lately, and I've finally realized it... Screw nostalgia and apathy.

This is me taking it back to where it all started -- because my best gave me the strength to do so. & There ain't nothin like it.

Now, time to make those changes.