Okay, so I'm worried, I've been worried all day, Now I know how Bree feels like when I make her worry about me, and It's NOT fun, I repeat It is NOT FUN... and I'm not feeling the greatest in the world right now, obviously. I hate feeling this way. no matter how many times I tell myself not to think about it or worry about him, I still do 'cause sometimes whats in the heart overpowers ones mind and ability to think and thats exactly whats going on with me right now. I hate not knowing if he's okay, or if he's eaten yet and so on... I know I said I would'nt care about him anymore and all that other stuff I was saying out of my butt, but It' is really easier said than done. I've noticed all I've been doing this entire day is worrying about him, call me crazy I probably am, But I still do care. I mean who am I fooling right? Well no one anymore, obviously. I really miss him and I hate it. I hate myself for feeling this way. I just want to hug him and tell him that everythings going to be okay or vice versa. I can't even get through him. I honestly feel like a REALLY horrible person right now, maybe Kuya Tom is right, maybe all this is REALLY ALL MY FAULT and I should just suck it up, since it's my own doing.
Maybe It is my fault for never showing him that I cared about him enough, or never ever calling him and telling him my problems when all he wanted to do was be there for me, maybe its my fault for always pushing him away and for opening this potty mouth of mine and always saying all these hurtful things to him maybe Its my fault for accusing him all the time and never learning to trust him and fully forgive him, maybe I wasn't just a good enough of a girlfriend and an actual friend to him. maybe this is really all my fault for never being there enough for him, maybe I didn't appreciate him as much, maybe this and maybe that, There's a lot of reasons, a lot of questions and so little answers...
Now I'm laying here typing all this crap because I really HAVE NO ONE to vent to as of now and It's the worst feeling in the world feeling A-L-O-N-E isn't the best feeling :( I really don't know anymore.
But right now, I am sure of one thing and It's I really miss him, need him and want him and I feel just like Bree right now, she doesn't want anyone but Cameron and I don't want anyone but Paul right now either. Who am I kidding? seriously. Talk about being honest. I can't even be honest with myself when deep down inside all the attention I really want from right now IS FROM HIM. NO ONE ELSE. Seriously. I pray that he's okay. If anything bad happened to him, It'll be ALL MY FAULT :'(
Maybe It is my fault for never showing him that I cared about him enough, or never ever calling him and telling him my problems when all he wanted to do was be there for me, maybe its my fault for always pushing him away and for opening this potty mouth of mine and always saying all these hurtful things to him maybe Its my fault for accusing him all the time and never learning to trust him and fully forgive him, maybe I wasn't just a good enough of a girlfriend and an actual friend to him. maybe this is really all my fault for never being there enough for him, maybe I didn't appreciate him as much, maybe this and maybe that, There's a lot of reasons, a lot of questions and so little answers...
Now I'm laying here typing all this crap because I really HAVE NO ONE to vent to as of now and It's the worst feeling in the world feeling A-L-O-N-E isn't the best feeling :( I really don't know anymore.
But right now, I am sure of one thing and It's I really miss him, need him and want him and I feel just like Bree right now, she doesn't want anyone but Cameron and I don't want anyone but Paul right now either. Who am I kidding? seriously. Talk about being honest. I can't even be honest with myself when deep down inside all the attention I really want from right now IS FROM HIM. NO ONE ELSE. Seriously. I pray that he's okay. If anything bad happened to him, It'll be ALL MY FAULT :'(
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