Anyone,

For anyone that still lurks on here, I've moved to... Sweetsophistifunk.tumblr.com

P.S. Have a lovely memorial day weekend :)

Wow, its surely has been a while, a LONG WHILE...

Does anyone even go on this thing anymore? Oh well, If you read it, you read it, If ya don't, you don't. It doesn't matter, nothing that goes on here is important anyways, haha. okay so here it goes...

I finally made my Christmas/Birthday Wish List [:

Ready? ( I'm not asking for much) haha!

01. A Plane ticket to either London or Australia!

02. A NEW Camera

03. Another Hair Straightener

04. Any Lovely Bag from Urban, Anthropologie, Juicy, Marc Jacobs or Kitson [:

05. Perfume from Marc Jacobs, Juicy,Burrrberry or Ralph Lauren

06. Anything that comes from the Heart.

Yeah so there it is, Yesss that's all I want, for now haha, see I don't ask for much. Well anywhoo, I just wanted to apologize to everyone for never returning or replying to anyones phone calls or text messages or IM's I've just been really confused about everything lately, but I think all of you already knew that, heh. I'm hoping I get my mind straight soon enough with God's guidance I'm pretty sure I can. I think I can....and if any of you are wondering why I hardly update this anymore is because I've been TOO hurt to even share my thoughts and feelings to anyone right now but I'm letting it all go little by little. I'm just really bummed how I can't have what I want and I know I can't always get everything I want but just this once would be great. Just this once....BLAH!

"So this year to save me from tears I'll give it to someone special..."

I am...

a total mess, NO not even that, I'm a wreck. Can someone please remind me who I am again? and what the heck I'm doing again? Please, cause I clearly can't remember WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING ANYMORE. I'm soo lost, where are they when I need them? where are any of you when I need you :[

Imisstheonlypersonthatsmeanseverythingtome.

God, can ya holla back? Please, that would be great.

Trying to find that all elusive piece of mind...

All I can do right now is just smile, I'm in the best mood I've been in, in the longest time. What came over me?! I have no idea, but congratulate me for this new insight, The past couple of days have been really good for me and I have a lot of people to thank for that, but my gratitude us ultimately towards my one and only Jesus. I couldnt do it without him. I can't do it without him.

I've learned a lot about myself and others and It feels good, not because I learned new things but because I'm finally learning to do the right things, and not just be so selfish all the time. I've found new ways to live right, and new motives to live for. It's a really nice feeling.--Actually they aren't new at all, but they definitely found their way back to the top of my life after being lost for too long.

It's game time, no blindfolds, no towels, no game plan. I'm playing it by ear because lately It's been my best bet. Everything will fall into place when the time's right, To be honest they already are. I can feel it. Then again, I can't really trust my feelings. I can, however trust my mind and my mind's telling me that tomorrow is going to be another good day. Things are going swell, Its clearly NOT PERFECT, but it sure is good...and that's all the satisfaction I need right now to keep me sane...and as for everything else I'll leave all that up to my father above.

The world is a mess but I'm not trippin.

...and as for you, You were right all along, and If I had some sort of time machine I'd go back and fix all my mistakes...but I just wanted to thank you for absolutely everything,You know I still love you and care so much about you, and of course I miss you more than anything and I don't care what everyone else says or thinks about US... but you're right babe we do need to find ourselves and Hopefully one day, someday...we can start over or pick up where we left off from, and If ever that day comes, everything will be 20 times better than it was before. I'll always love you and I hope you know that.

EXCITED :)

Now that I think about it, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??! Thank you Lord for this new insight and for opening my chinky eyes.

I'm not going to lie or deny it but the pass few weeks have been HELL for me and I mean HELL and now I think It's coming to an end. FINALLY...

I'm excited for this week and especially next weekend! hehe CANCUN here I come (: I mean here WE come. 'We' as in me and my lovely co-workerS (; I hope I don't get too dark.

Soo I'm getting my car soon and I'm pretty darn happy, like really really really happy...and I think I'm in love. uh-oh...

Oh Yeah btw, I just got interviewed yesterday for a new job at the old modeling agency/ company I use to work for, so please pray for me that I get in again..cause Hollister is just not cutting it for me anymore -____- .... I lost 5.2 pounds so far haha 30 to go....jk but yeah I have been working out again lately my kick boxing classes start next week [: ! Thanks xoxo

P.S. I miss you :( Come back already. *sighs

I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.

Girls are expecting too much out of boys who clearly aren't men.

I'm done chasing after love, done looking for it, done trying to find it, done hoping and praying for it. I want true love to look for me for a change, to chase after me for once. I'm done making things harder for myself. I tend to make things so complicated when in reality it really isn't as complex. I'm thankful very thankful, for this insight that God gave me, after the whole week of not sleeping, crying like there's no ending ...I think I'm finally done with all that and I can say I'm satisfied and happy and I'm moving on.

I just realized that I need to be okay with myself in order for me to love someone else and care for someone else and right now I'm working on that, I'm slowly putting the pieces back together and getting myself and my attitude together. I have a lot of fixing up to do in my life and it took me a while to realize this but I'm glad I finally did. I want to be the ARLAINE that I used to be, the arlaine that everyone knows as the sweet, innocent one thats always smiling. I miss her, and I know probably everyone does too. This time around, I mean it when I say I'm trying. I really am, trying to change not for anyone else but this time FOR MYSELF. I spend soo much time doing things for other people when I can't even help myself.

I tend to overthink things and overreact and ASSUME and these are habits I really need to shake myself out of because it ruins me and I guess that's what drove Paul away from me, well I really don't know but yeah I'm guessing... I was put into a lot of thought when he told me I wasn't the same girl he fell in love with and he was right, but Im kinda glad he was honest with me and told me that or else I would of never realized all this so I thank him for that, and to anyone out there that's reading this, please be patient with me , Im trying my best. I know the way I've been acting is soo out of character and I know I seriously need to stop the games and GROW UP, because this isn't highschool anymore. It's the real thing now that I'm on my own and If I want the real thing "true love" I have to be real with myself first and stop looking for love in all the wrong places.

I feel good right now despite of all the crap thats going on. I'm happy because I know that everythings going to be alright, and I know that I'm going to be alright. I finally know what I want but I'm just going to keep that to myself, heh.. Its not the end, if it's not a happy ending. right?

Sober.

It's true when they say "You can erase someone from your mind but getting them out of your heart is a different story..."

My mom was right, my friends were right, I WAS WRONG...VERY WRONG..and It takes a lot for me to admitt that. Who am I fooling? NO ONE, just myself...No matter how late I stay out, no matter how many drinks or stogs I have, or no matter how many guys I talk to, at the end of the day...he's still on my mind, and definitely still in my heart. I can get him off my mind for a good few hours and then at the end, It's still him I'm wanting and missing. I THOUGHT I was ready, to let go, to move on to start dating again...Boy, was I WRONG. This is going to take me much longer than I expected, and I hate it.

"Sleeping with uncertainties, hoping to wake up with assurance and re-commitment. "

God, please help me.