I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.

Girls are expecting too much out of boys who clearly aren't men.

I'm done chasing after love, done looking for it, done trying to find it, done hoping and praying for it. I want true love to look for me for a change, to chase after me for once. I'm done making things harder for myself. I tend to make things so complicated when in reality it really isn't as complex. I'm thankful very thankful, for this insight that God gave me, after the whole week of not sleeping, crying like there's no ending ...I think I'm finally done with all that and I can say I'm satisfied and happy and I'm moving on.

I just realized that I need to be okay with myself in order for me to love someone else and care for someone else and right now I'm working on that, I'm slowly putting the pieces back together and getting myself and my attitude together. I have a lot of fixing up to do in my life and it took me a while to realize this but I'm glad I finally did. I want to be the ARLAINE that I used to be, the arlaine that everyone knows as the sweet, innocent one thats always smiling. I miss her, and I know probably everyone does too. This time around, I mean it when I say I'm trying. I really am, trying to change not for anyone else but this time FOR MYSELF. I spend soo much time doing things for other people when I can't even help myself.

I tend to overthink things and overreact and ASSUME and these are habits I really need to shake myself out of because it ruins me and I guess that's what drove Paul away from me, well I really don't know but yeah I'm guessing... I was put into a lot of thought when he told me I wasn't the same girl he fell in love with and he was right, but Im kinda glad he was honest with me and told me that or else I would of never realized all this so I thank him for that, and to anyone out there that's reading this, please be patient with me , Im trying my best. I know the way I've been acting is soo out of character and I know I seriously need to stop the games and GROW UP, because this isn't highschool anymore. It's the real thing now that I'm on my own and If I want the real thing "true love" I have to be real with myself first and stop looking for love in all the wrong places.

I feel good right now despite of all the crap thats going on. I'm happy because I know that everythings going to be alright, and I know that I'm going to be alright. I finally know what I want but I'm just going to keep that to myself, heh.. Its not the end, if it's not a happy ending. right?