Waiting, Wishing and Wanting...

...With only a third of the recommended hours of sleep, I felt incredibly groggy and sick this morning. It isn't the greatest experience waking up, getting dressed, and walking down the stairs when your eyes are half open, teary, and witnessing doubles.

This week just sucks! the love sucks, & it might just get worse. I miss my best friends, and lately I find myself missing Paul most of the time. I need to calm down, but there's just no opportunity for me to do that. man, I hate it when im like this.

UGH I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AND IT'S KILLING ME. I can really use some salt,lime & Hornitios right about NOW! It sucks to want everything and nothing at the same time.

It's been two months since we've broken up...and I've been debating with myself every night, weighing the pros and cons of what to do with all this...

It sucks knowing that he can never look at me the same way again or atleast feel the same way about me again, and It hurts me knowing that I'm NOT the "main girl" in his life anymore. It really blows... and for some odd reason It's been bugging me A LOT lately, like its REALLY BEEN BUGGING the heck out of me. I spend almost every second wondering and worrying when will things ever go back to how they used to be, or I mean at least back to normal.

When people ask me how me & Paul are doing or if we're together or not, I want to be able to give them a straight answer, I want to be able to smile (: and say "yes we're doing good" and "yes we're back together"... NOT just smiling/laughing or walking away everytime someone asks me that. (which I have been doing all that for the past two months now!) and It REALLY SUCKS.

...and the thought of just letting him go...I mean honestly, who am I fooling?... "It's easier said than done"-and that is so true, soo true I tell you. Everything is easier said than done... and me being the Arlaine I am, I can't let go. Not in a million years that is. Letting go is not even an option to me, its a form of making myself feel even more miserable ): I can't do it, I just can't.

Ugh, every aspect in my life just sucks right now. I mean everything just totally blows right now and I hate it. I absolutely hate hate hate it! I hate everything thats happening right now.Everyhing is really difficult right now and It's really hard for me to trust that everything will be okay, 'cause It's hard to stay positive when there's only negativity all around you.

Oh and one more thing...to top it all off, I just lost another friend ugggggggggggggggggh. Eff all this seriously. It's all Bullcrap. It is. AHHHHH!

I don't know what to do anymore. someone help me :( I'm so lost.

If no one can help me,someone just shoot me, that's even better, and right about NOW would be a good time to do that.

That's enough for today, I'm not feeling good and I'm pooped!

ENOUGH SAID.

"...I'll never let this go But I can't find the words to tell you & I don't want to be alone, But now I feel like I don't know you..."