Building Walls.

Someone told me I'd be able to take the walls down because I'd find people I can really depend on. Oh, how wrong they were. Let's be real. For the most part, you really only ever have yourself. Truth of the matter: This is your life; your decisions lead to your actions that create your consequences that you have to deal with. Yet, focusing on yourself means you're selfish. Focusing on everyone else means you're too soft to deal with your own. Not at all. I'm not gonna put up a front like I know your business, 'cause really, I don't.

But I do know mine. I know that only a few people know the real Arlaine Ablaza, and only those people are welcome within the walls I've built. I was naive enough to believe the person who told me I'd be able to take 'em down one day, but not naive enough to let my guard down. I know my walls will only ever get higher 'til I meet the person who surpasses all ordinary... It's kind of like soldiers. They don't build walls because they're afraid, but because they're smarter than your average. They know when to come out to fight, but they know when to stay put and wait for better opportunities. It's a strength type thing. So this is me continuing to build my fort, waiting for better people and better days. It ain't easy, but nothing of worth ever is. Ever. You know how it goes...

I'm beginning to see the beauty in everything all over again. It's hard, but I know this struggle's not in vain.

...And alas, my priorities have started to fall back into order. Today was such a productive day, I'm not gonna lie. There's a few things I didn't get done, but there's a lot more things I didn't plan to do that I ended up doing. It's a lovely feeling -- accomplishment. Lately things have been reminding me why exacly I do the things I do, and really, it's such a blessing. I've still got so much work to do, but I also have so much determination to do so. I don't know what touched my soul so lovely in the past couple days, but I praise Jesus for sending it to me. I'm so so so tired. I've really been forcing myself to see clearly with the lights off -- apparently, that does me no good. Though, it really should've been obvious. Fact of the matter is I'm getting there, and it's a good feeling... Oh, it's a b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l feeling.

Almost there, not quite...but almost.