Rambling.

Looking back at everything I used to do, everything I used to love, but no longer do just makes me sad. I'm gonna be completely real, it straight up makes me sad. I haven't changed much, I know I haven't. Bree & Caresse can back me up on that. It just kills knowing I let go of a lot of things I used to love the most. This is definitely not gonna be a sad blog whatsoever. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I'm definitely touchin up on all the things I used to do. I'm making a pact with myself, and I know I can't bare to disappoint myself -- not anymore. I'm better than this. I let go for too long, so here we go. I used to be all about perfecting the things I did. Yeah, yeah, no such thing as perfect. BUT, that's what I always strived for -- in a sense that I'd just get better. I'm so rusty now. I can't do half the things I used to, and that's just SAD. I'm dead serious too. I'm getting this all back. I waste too much time, but now all I have is time. So, you know.

There's really a million and one thoughts going through my head; it all makes sense, but it doesn't. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy. I'm happy, but I'm sad. I'm not quite sure of anything, but if there's one thing I'm sure of, it'd be this: No regrets, it was not in vain. I know I can't take anything back, and I really don't want to. I really wouldn't want to. I won't be okay because nothing's wrong -- therefore, I AM okay. I'm blabbing. I've been blabbing ALL day. I'm at the point where I have so much going on for me that I really don't want to talk about any of it. In fact, I don't want to talk about anything at all. --UNLESS YOUR NAME IS BRIANNA CYNTHIA MITJANS OR CARESSE ISABELLE FERNANDEZ. They're really the only people in the world that I feel like conversing with, right now. Literally. It's okay. It's always okay with them to be blabbing my mouth off.

So much life going around. First off, Bree & Caresse are really the only people who understands this part of my life. Sometimes, I'm amazed. I've told this story more than once before, and yet they're the only people that I've never felt stupid telling it to. All self-consciousness has left me. This isn't confusing whatsoever; in fact, it makes more sense than anything else I've ever known. I'm really praying things work out for the best. I believe they will one day.

I don't know why this is so hard. I mean, I really am okay. It's the first time I've been this okay in awhile. Still, I don't know. I want so much to just fix things, but I really don't know how to. I want to be able to just leave it alone, but at the same time, I can't. The beauty in this stands firm for my perspective isn't fogged at all. I see pretty clearly which is why I'm definitely okay right now. I just wish I was more than okay. Nothing's entirely wrong, I guess.

Like I said, nothing's entirely wrong. I'm really okay, or at least I just have to keep telling myself that. I guess this is just a process or phase that I'm going through, just starting to get used to everything.

--I've been blogging on my myspace too, so you guys can read that as well, if you'd like... just so you can understand more of what I'm talking to about, 'cause I clearly don't make any sense right now...

-AMA