My Christmas Wish List '08

1. Anything that comes from the heart (:
2. Maroon shoes from Vans
3. Rain Boots from Vans
4. 25 Red Velvet Cupcakes from Crumbs or Sprinkles

5. A bouquet of flowers!
6. Marc Jacobs perfume
7. A Gift Card from Urban Outfitters or Gilly Hicks
8.$$$ ching-ching hahaha!
9. hah, undecided.
10.A BOYFRIEND...haha NATTT!

and for..My Birthday Wish List:

1. 27 Red Velvet Cupcakes from Crumbs or Sprinkles
2. 27 milk chocolate covered strawberries!
3. I want to be taken out to eat at a good restaurant!
4. A bouquet of flowers!...that smell & look good haha [:
5. A BOYFRIEND

...Okay I don't know what else I want, but I shall add on more as soon as I can think of what else I want. but honestly, I don't really want or need anything this Christmas, no seriously. I'm not even joking.. I just want for everyone to have a great Christmas, that's all. -I'M BEING TOTALLY SERIOUS.

& YES, Thanksgiving my weekend was bomb! (;

Lovelife with a Side of Scandal? NOT.

Everyone talks like they know w'sup, but they don't-- at least not when it comes to me. It'd be the biggest slap in their face if they had even the slightest idea of what I'm all about. Too bad I love my life far to much to really give a crap. My lack of interest for such people and situations can definitely be the cause of my downfall considering I've lost people that way, but it happens. Like my cousin says, "there's a reason they can't stick around." I miss her. I swear to you that I wouldn't be half the person I am today if it wasn't for her. Real talk. She really is the biggest influence of my life. Hah, too bad she's bad fricking news-- and I mean that in the best way possible.

There's a slight chance that I might be um-- it's actually far too early to say anything. So just like every other blog I post, (to avoid talking about that) I'm going to tell you about how great life is..well how great PART of my life is minus all the drama at home-- but not really. It's getting harder and harder, but it's most definitely do-able. Things are good. As long as I stay on top of things, I'll be GOOD. I'm not really worried much about anything anymore, just going with the flow. You know how it is. I'm finally finished with all my college applications! Now all I need to do is wait for those acceptance letters to start rolling in [:


Can you guys believe it's December 1st tomorrow? whoa! It's almost 2009, and I'm pretty excited. 'cause I just want this year to be OVER. I HATE THIS YEAR, I swear it's cursed. I have BIG plans for this upcoming year... and I know it's definitely going to be a good year, you know why? 'cause I said so...soo stay with me now.

*28 more days 'til My Birthday (:

P.S I'm feeling really down right now, well kinda...I just really miss everyone at LOH, I miss my old youth group :( *Sighs

Growing Thin.

To be completely honest, many of my friendships are being tested right now. I definitely enjoy good company, but please don't ever think I need you in my life. It's gotten to the point where, FOR THE FIRST TIME, I'm keeping track of faults. Yeah yeah, love keeps no records of wrongs I know. I love because I love to love. I forgive because I can. I tolerate because I can. I do what I do because I can-- but I refuse to be taken advantage of. My trust is growing thin because I know I don't need the BS I'm currently receiving. The past couple days have made me realize quite a bit. I'm definitely taking on far more responsibility than I have to because I know I can handle it. But in order to handle it well, I'd have to make some changes. I'm not having a hard time putting my priorities in order, so that's not it at all. All I know is that it's time for a change, and I'm more than willing to make those changes-- so do not stand in my way.

My list of true friends have gotten much much smaller. I've said this before, I know. You truly do win some and lose some. All I know is I've got a good bunch right now. There's a reason the ones who were lost couldn't stick around, I'm sure; but it was good while it lasted.I've definitely lost many, but my loss is nothing compared to what I've gained. It's funny how I didn't realize that even if you lose some, there's always that slight chance you might gain them back. Oh, how I've really gained some back.

I've taken "overwhelmed" to a whole new level, but it's nothing I can't handle. But please, stop the games-- I'm far too tired to really do much. As for the rest, it is what it is. I'm definitely learning.

I'm focused, I'm motivated, and I'm ready.

Prove your worth.

Story of our lives: it's a battle- a never easy, never ending battle. We're fighting in a sorry world filled with poor quality people who don't know their worth. I'm not sure what's worse: not realizing your significance or having a legit understanding of your value, but not living up to it. Nobody can be trusted, and secrets are never kept. People nowadays create bonds with others in hope that it will fill the empty gaps. We've taken dependency to a whole new level. The slits in our souls caused by insecurity cannot be band-aided by false certainties. Not for long, at least.

We cannot depend on other people to fix our problems or carry our baggage because we're all only human, and we're only ever going to be human. We all fall down, and that's okay. You don't fail when you fall, you fail when you don't get up. Our situations do not make us different. The way we deal with stress and negativity is what allows us to rise above the rest. We've become far too lazy and undetermined-- far too similar to one another because nowadays being different is looked down upon. Morals have been twisted and turned into something completely illogical. There's more life going on than I will ever be able to understand, let alone imagine. There comes a point where you really need to take a step back, check your life, and justify your worth-- preferably to yourself. After all, you are the toughest critic in your life.

You truly can't love someone 'til you love you because you can only love someone as much as you love yourself. I have learned to differentiate what I want from what what I need. I wouldn't call myself Miss Independent, but I definitely have my own thing; and I'm most definitely the kind of girl that knows what she wants.

Moral of today's story: Prove yourself. Double meaning intended.

Lacking Logic.

Over analyzing hypothetical situations can screw your mind over. I cannot depend on my feelings to help me differentiate the levels of intensity that reality brings. Once my emotions get inner twined with the stress of figuring out a problem that does not exist, I lose all sense of logic.

I feel so illiterate right now. I'm slightly upset that I can't find better words to express how I'm feeling right now but screw it. A LOT of things are bothering me right now...But I rather not try to get my point across here anyway 'cause there's far more to life than I have been allowing myself to live. and I know there's worse things out there than my pitiful drama. The world has a lot more hurt than I've probably felt, and a lot more love than I've been giving.

-This is me being completely illogical.

It's all good.

This over exaggerated cycle of emotions have been a real pain. I'm up, I'm down. I'm sure, I'm confused. Who cares? I don't. I have my head on straight and my goals laid out before me. I already know it won't be smooth sailing, so I'm not going to pretend it is. I'm beyond blessed, and this time it won't go unnoticed. I will take no credit because all I did was complicate the simplest of things. Seriously. It's alright though. Falling doesn't matter. Well, it does -- just not as much as we make it out to be. My blogs nowadays have absolutely no flow to them. It's definitely sad, but I'm really not about to look into that.

My priorities are in order (Faith, School,Career), and it's all good, literally. All I really have to do now is follow through. Things have been getting better, well I mean I know things will get better...'cause the new year is almost here. I'm beginning to find faith in the way things are all over again. Things at home are going pretty good despite the regular imperfections-- but you really can't get rid of those, so I take it this is as good as it gets. No sarcasm intended. My game plan for school is going to be a tough one, but I'm ready. I can do this-- I know it. As for my dreams, it's time to focus. Thank you to my new consultant, Melanie, for being the motivation I really need. Really.


--I really am learning to have faith in the way things are. It is what it is when we do the things we do. No strings attached. Although, I'm down to be serious when you are. I don't know what it is about you, but.. but I'm learning to love every bit of it.

5 more days [:

November 21st

Wake up Call.

It amazes me how much strength someone can give me without him even knowing that he's my ultimate source of it. Even if he did know, he probably wouldn't accept any credit because he's just that type of person. Through rough spots, rough stops, and all the heavy heartache, one person has been able to see me through it all and never spit judgment. Only one person has been able to live tough love with me completely. This same person, so far, is the only person who can really put me in my place.

So, wake up call. Nothing is certain. Tomorrow is not promised. The mistakes we make daily cannot hold us back from living because we don't know how much time left we have to live. Scratch that. The mistakes we make can hold us back if we allow it to. But since we don't know what tomorrow will bring, if tomorrow will even come, then it gives us all the more reason not to allow such things to take control of our lives. Work harder, laugh longer, and love better because at the end of the day you have more than you think. And at the end of the day, you are far more blessed than you realized. & Clearly I have forgotten that.


All this living has got me loving to the point where I'm too numb to feel any pain, too high off life to be brought down, and too smart to not see things for what they are.

I'm not entirely naive. I know things don't last forever, but that's why we're going til we can't go any more; fighting til there's nothing left to fight for. Hell yes, everything happens for a reason. I've learned to find those reasons, test my waters, and always look forward because the past can get too distracting.

There will always be too much to look at causing your view point to be far too fogged to understand your present and future. The hectic scene can cause you to anticipate far too much from the little you've allowed yourself to live which gives you all the more reason to just live because time really does fly. All things really are possible, so by all means: live, love, and laugh because things are a lot better than you realize. If you do realize how great things are, then raise the stakes. Intensify it. Life is too short. You'll never have "just what you asked for" or "what you've always wanted" -- YOU'LL GET WHAT YOU WORK FOR. So, do work.

Sorry McCain,

So let's just all hope for the best now...haha!
Oh & YES for PROP 4 & 8 :]

If you guys didn't know I wanted McCain to win.
Yeah, you read right, I WANTED McCain to win...Oh well.

-P.S Sarah Palin is stuuuupid!
Poor McCain ):