I'm falling straight for you.

"Your name is a chamber to my heart, you are the music to my art, I'm falling straight for you, please tell me that you're ready too, everything you do makes me love you..."

Hey everyone!

Sorry for the decreased amount of my blogging, nothing exciting has been going on so I didn’t feel like wasting your reading time on something unimportant, but I am FINALLY back from FRISCO, I spent some time with my MOM and other relatives, It was "okay", heh but anyways I'm back to reality (sadly) and I am busier than ever, SO MUCH to do, and SO LITTLE time to do it all. It's crazy, It's driving me crazy, I'm finally graduating in less than 90 days and I'm starting to get a tad bit freaked out, It's exciting but scary all at the same time!

So I recently started to bake again:

& FYI: These were inspired by Bakerella.

Basically, it’s cake in lollipop form dipped in chocolate, candy melts, or whatever that’s capable of melting and hardening quick. To tell you the truth, I didn’t think I would be able to pull it off the first time (let alone pull it off at all), but it was pretty easy because I guess I’ve build up my patience. One thing that bothers me about these cake pops is that they are just too sweet. I can only nibble small amounts at a time; which I guess is a good thing because they aren’t that big to begin with. Give me some feedback on what you think!

& then I came home and made Oreo truffles.

I think I'm getting better at dipping (:

MMM, SCRUMPTIOUS!

Oh and as for everything else, It's not perfect but, It's all good. I feel like I'm missing something, I just don't know what it is, Hmm...

'til next time,
XoXo -Arlaine

Talk about being disconnected.

It's like 9am and I've been up since I don't know what time, But I COULD NOT SLEEP It's sooo nerve racking...UGH. I wan't to sleep soo badly BUT for some odd reason I CAN'T. It's annoying.

UGH. So, I decided that I'm going to turn off my phone ( Actually, it's already off now as we speak) so that I won't be tempted to look at it like every hour or be tempted to call "people" and I've decided to delete my facebook and my myspace as well and I won't be on AIM anymore. My cousin gave me a bright idea, and It's to just "Stay Quiet" and that's what I'm going to do, is be still and stay quiet and away from EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE...and um I'm contmeplating whether I should leave the country for 2 months and I might just do it, If anything I'll be leaving THIS Friday the 6th.

I don't want to talk to anyone AT ALL, SERIOUSLY. Good luck with trying to get a hold of me, cause you're all going to need it. I'm not answering or replying to anyone's calls or text messages so have fun trying to get a hold of me. BYE.

A little too late.

Okay, so I'm worried, I've been worried all day, Now I know how Bree feels like when I make her worry about me, and It's NOT fun, I repeat It is NOT FUN... and I'm not feeling the greatest in the world right now, obviously. I hate feeling this way. no matter how many times I tell myself not to think about it or worry about him, I still do 'cause sometimes whats in the heart overpowers ones mind and ability to think and thats exactly whats going on with me right now. I hate not knowing if he's okay, or if he's eaten yet and so on... I know I said I would'nt care about him anymore and all that other stuff I was saying out of my butt, but It' is really easier said than done. I've noticed all I've been doing this entire day is worrying about him, call me crazy I probably am, But I still do care. I mean who am I fooling right? Well no one anymore, obviously. I really miss him and I hate it. I hate myself for feeling this way. I just want to hug him and tell him that everythings going to be okay or vice versa. I can't even get through him. I honestly feel like a REALLY horrible person right now, maybe Kuya Tom is right, maybe all this is REALLY ALL MY FAULT and I should just suck it up, since it's my own doing.

Maybe It is my fault for never showing him that I cared about him enough, or never ever calling him and telling him my problems when all he wanted to do was be there for me, maybe its my fault for always pushing him away and for opening this potty mouth of mine and always saying all these hurtful things to him maybe Its my fault for accusing him all the time and never learning to trust him and fully forgive him, maybe I wasn't just a good enough of a girlfriend and an actual friend to him. maybe this is really all my fault for never being there enough for him, maybe I didn't appreciate him as much, maybe this and maybe that, There's a lot of reasons, a lot of questions and so little answers...

Now I'm laying here typing all this crap because I really HAVE NO ONE to vent to as of now and It's the worst feeling in the world feeling A-L-O-N-E isn't the best feeling :( I really don't know anymore.


But right now, I am sure of one thing and It's I really miss him, need him and want him and I feel just like Bree right now, she doesn't want anyone but Cameron and I don't want anyone but Paul right now either. Who am I kidding? seriously. Talk about being honest. I can't even be honest with myself when deep down inside all the attention I really want from right now IS FROM HIM. NO ONE ELSE. Seriously. I pray that he's okay. If anything bad happened to him, It'll be ALL MY FAULT :'(

Leaving on a jet plane?

Soo, I just got off the phone with my aunt from Australia and I told her whats been going on with me, and she offered to take me in for 2 months since im on vacation...and since I'm not doing so ehh here, she said it would be a good idea for me to get away from everyone and all the DRAMA ...here in HELLAY. So I'm sitting here staring at the "Buy your ticket now" option, and I don't know should I? 2 months out of the country is a lonnnnnnnng time. Im afraid to be homesick...well not literally If you know what I mean. Ah I don't know. Should I stay or should I go? If I do end up leaving, It'll be like running away from my problems. I have no idea. Im confused.

But speaking the truth in love,

Things may not always work out the way you want. In those cases, you often look for reasons as to why those situations needed to arise. It happens when you least expect it, and the reasons aren't usually clear. I could be angry-- I was at first. I could cry, but my tears wouldn't justify anything. Maybe I'll laugh about it one day-- just not today. Just because it won't be today doesn't mean it won't be tomorrow, and for all I know, it just might be tomorrow. The bright side is: I'm learning.

There are many ways to handle this situation, and I don't know what the right moves are. Until I do, I will be still and know He is God and he has the right timing for everything.

Thought of the past 24 hours: a lot, just a lot had been going through my mind lately. I've been thinking wayyy too much, and I know I need to stop. I know I haven't been acting like myself at all lately and everyone knows it, cause they see it and I finally realized it. I've been pushing people away, getting ticked off at almost anything, like EVERY LITTLE THING and it's so out of my character and I know I have to change. This has to change. THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE, and It's about time, that I've made some changes for myself, and I don't know If this is going to be a good or bad thing But, It's a new year and I want to try something different...

Now I know I think too much, I know I care too much, and I worry too much and I STRESS way too much. But, I think I've come to a point where I'm so fed up with everything that I just don't want to worry, to care or stress at all anymore. SERIOUSLY. I need to stop and forget about everyone else, and what everyone else thinks It's time I become this selfish and take care of myself for a change, I've noticed I let everyone around me affect that way I feel and you guys know what? I'm done with feeling this way. I really am, I done feeling sad/depressed or whatever all the time for the same reason over and over again. It's this never ending cycle and I CAN'T TAKE ANY OF THIS BS ANYMORE. and I'm not going to let any one of you affect me in a negative way, NO SERIOUSLY NOT THIS TIME. NO MORE. I'm done. I need to be happy,and I need to make myself happy so this is why I'm doing things differently this time. No more, being sad/depressed/pissed off whatever kind of crap. No Thank You, and anyone that wants to ruin my happiness can get the heck out of my life 'cause I DON'T NEED IT. The door is wide open, so you can leave. seriously LEAVE 'cause with all the things flying at me right now, I don't need anyone to add on. Not to sound like a total B or anything but I'm just not going to deal with anyone's stupidity anymore. I want to not to have to worry about anything, or anyone...and this time I'm really not going to, I don't know why I put myself through this, when all along all I had to do was NOT CARE, Its that simple, cause its just a choice 'cause with me, It's either I care too much, or I DON'T CARE AT ALL and I just don't want to care AT ALL so I'm just not going to care anymore. I'll take things for how they are, nothing more, nothing less. I'm not hoping, wishing,expecting, caring or worrying anymore cause I wasted too much of my precious time. ALL FOR NOTHING.

...To Be Continued.

Even when I fail you, I know you love me

I will be still and know You are God.

Bakerella?

For the past week, I’ve been semi-sick with a mild sore throat and an endless runny nose (again). A few days ago, I was unfortunate enough to catch the flu and it felt just awful. I couldn’t sleep the night before because my body ached and every time I breathed in, the back of my throat felt as if it were being stabbed by a knife. I can honestly tell you that I almost used up an entire roll of toilet paper just from my runny nose (and it’s still going as we speak). I wish I could use the tissue as a nostril cork without feeling like a complete doofus. Whatever works, right?

I also forgot to mention that I had a dream of baking last night. Weird, I know. Who dreams about baking stuff? There’s a perfectly good reason for this, trust me. For the past few days now I’ve been grossly obsessed with a blog called Bakerella.com; she inspires me to, well, bake. If you’re not a big fan of reading through blogs (or reading at all) you can just look at her work on Flickr. I swear I get fatter and fatter every day just from looking at what she makes. You can read about her combination for love of cupcakes and photography here. I know you guys will enjoy looking at her work :]


Okay, so moving along...so Sunday February Um, 23 (which was yesterday lol) I visited my mother church "LOH" and It felt so good, It made me happy. heh, It also made me tear up a bit. I really missed everyone SO much. I felt like I was "home" where I belong or I mean/ supposed to be at. I didnt feel out of place or anything, it was normal, just like how everything USE TO BE. It made me so happy to see everyone and get all the warm hugs and kisses! xo...It made me HAPPY. PERIOD.

...Oh and what made me even happier were all the "weight loss" comments I got from like 7 people, hah no kidd, t'was crazy. The funniest one was "You lost so much weight, you know why? 'cause you have a lot of problems huh?" HAHA, thanks...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE [;

oh and..."Omg laine, you look so skinny, are you still depressed or stressed out?" -haha ouch, do I really look that sad? and NO I did not lose weight on purpose, I just I don't know, um have no time to eat? mhm, yup. But overall, I was happy to be with "family" (: hmm, and maybe I'll be back for good...just maybe.

...Oh and I found something out when I went to church, that um my "Momma" told me...and I don't know WHY I feel this way...but I feel sad in way, seriously I AM SAD. like IDK. It's SO SO SO WEIRD, 'cause I don't know why I feel this way or why I'm starting to feel like this all of a sudden. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Ew [.......]

You know what I hate the most about myself? Is that I care TOO MUCH about everything and I worry too much about everything...seriously! and I need to stop! It's such a WASTE OF TIME. ...and I worry about non-sense on like the most irrelevant things to worry about. UGH. I annoy myself sometimes, like right now. I need to b-r-e-a-t-h-e.