and maybe this time I actually will...
So this must be the worst day of like my entire life? long story short, I've lost a really good friend, my BEST friend, and so easily too over the STUPIDEST thing ever. I seriously hate all this... It's so hard to satisfy a person, coming from me, I should know. It's like seriously giving EVERYTHING FOR NOTHING. I'm tired of being the reason why that person is always pissed off, pissing someone off "all the time" It Isn't a fun job. seriously. I feel like no matter how much I try to make something work, the more I seem to be doing something wrong, well at least according to one specific person. I feel like i shouldn't even exist to this person anymore just cause all i end up doing is pissing that person off. it's not a fun job. seriously, I think this is the end of feeling this way enough is enough, cause I'm DONE with not being ENOUGH.
I always told myself to never hope: Hope for nothing, become disappointed in nothing. Still, I can't help but be a little bit selfish every now and then. Too bad this time I'm being a lot selfish. I promised I'd fight it so I wouldn't ever want what I can't have, but it doesn't always happen that way. See, sometimes the desire of one's mind overpowers what's in their heart -- worlds apart type of thing. Oh, but that's never the end of it. We build walls, allow people to tear them down enough to hurt us, and then build them again. Same process of the same gdamn cycle. ans I'm tired of it, we all are.
...So maybe this time I'm genuinely not kidding when I say I don't want to be in any sort of relationship -- that this time, I really just want to be left alone. I play this game too often, but never purposely. I know how to get in, I know how to get out. I'm tired -- so so tired of playing a game that I can only win at my own expense. I'm down for something real, but that's it.
No more games. I'm done with all the games. No more "we're not officially together" , No more "that's why we'll never be together" No more "hoping, wishing, or waiting to be taken back as his gf again and be truly forgiven"... seriously ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. and I'm tired of not being enough really, I am :[ I've spent too much time worrying, saying things I dont mean, hurting someone that I really love and care about...and thats enough.Hurting that person was never my intention. NEVER. that's the last thing I intend to do.
It's time to focus. For once in my life, I'm closing my doors for me. Selfish. It's about time I became this selfish.
...Since He's hiding behind that hard heart that refuses to allow me into which makes no sense at all. and I've hid from myself far too many times when I lacked the courage to be alone. You see, I cannot afford to spend another day as a cooperator in a conspiracy against myself. It's either you're with me or you're not, Its either You're in love with me or you're not, it's either you forgive or you don't..no maybe, laters, but and ifs, Its either you commit or you don't, there isn't such thing as A "part-time relationship" ...NO MORE seriously NO MORE...its that simple, I can't go on with someone for another 6 months or god knows when...with a person that's unsure of their feelings for me. I can't. I'm not going to be here forever...You're wasting your time. and You're wasting my time. You know, I've never asked for much, All I wanted to know was where we stand. All Ive ever hoped for is that this person would truly genuinely forgive me. that's all...But I guess none of that or this matters anymore. cause I'm done with feeling this way.
Anyways, I guess now I just need to keep myself busy to be OKAY and stable at least .. I hate how you just left me .. without trying to understand me at all... but it's okay. I'll get past this STRUGGLE...ALONE.
I always told myself to never hope: Hope for nothing, become disappointed in nothing. Still, I can't help but be a little bit selfish every now and then. Too bad this time I'm being a lot selfish. I promised I'd fight it so I wouldn't ever want what I can't have, but it doesn't always happen that way. See, sometimes the desire of one's mind overpowers what's in their heart -- worlds apart type of thing. Oh, but that's never the end of it. We build walls, allow people to tear them down enough to hurt us, and then build them again. Same process of the same gdamn cycle. ans I'm tired of it, we all are.
...So maybe this time I'm genuinely not kidding when I say I don't want to be in any sort of relationship -- that this time, I really just want to be left alone. I play this game too often, but never purposely. I know how to get in, I know how to get out. I'm tired -- so so tired of playing a game that I can only win at my own expense. I'm down for something real, but that's it.
No more games. I'm done with all the games. No more "we're not officially together" , No more "that's why we'll never be together" No more "hoping, wishing, or waiting to be taken back as his gf again and be truly forgiven"... seriously ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. and I'm tired of not being enough really, I am :[ I've spent too much time worrying, saying things I dont mean, hurting someone that I really love and care about...and thats enough.Hurting that person was never my intention. NEVER. that's the last thing I intend to do.
It's time to focus. For once in my life, I'm closing my doors for me. Selfish. It's about time I became this selfish.
...Since He's hiding behind that hard heart that refuses to allow me into which makes no sense at all. and I've hid from myself far too many times when I lacked the courage to be alone. You see, I cannot afford to spend another day as a cooperator in a conspiracy against myself. It's either you're with me or you're not, Its either You're in love with me or you're not, it's either you forgive or you don't..no maybe, laters, but and ifs, Its either you commit or you don't, there isn't such thing as A "part-time relationship" ...NO MORE seriously NO MORE...its that simple, I can't go on with someone for another 6 months or god knows when...with a person that's unsure of their feelings for me. I can't. I'm not going to be here forever...You're wasting your time. and You're wasting my time. You know, I've never asked for much, All I wanted to know was where we stand. All Ive ever hoped for is that this person would truly genuinely forgive me. that's all...But I guess none of that or this matters anymore. cause I'm done with feeling this way.
Anyways, I guess now I just need to keep myself busy to be OKAY and stable at least .. I hate how you just left me .. without trying to understand me at all... but it's okay. I'll get past this STRUGGLE...ALONE.
Love keeps no records of wrongs-that's in the bible.
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