Colleges-UPDATED!

So with a lot of thought and debating put into this, I've finally decided what colleges I really want to apply to:

-The ones with the * are the school's that I'm definitely going to apply to.

1.UC San Diego-not sure anymore :/
2.Irvine*
3.UC Riverside*
4.UC Santa Cruz
5.UC Davis*

6.Richmond University in London

1. Cal-State Dominguez Hills*
2. Cal-State Long Beach*
3. Cal-State North Ridge*
4. Cal-State LA*

5. San Francisco State University-not sure
6. San Diego State University -not sure

--So now, all I need to do Is start applying. haha oh and get my SAT & ACT tests down & finished! Wish me luck loves.

Eh, Here I go!

Getting, Going Somewhere...

Lately, my drive has had the velocity of a snail. I clearly haven't been at my best, and I know saying it over and over again won't do anything. I've really got to find the motivation I once had. Apathy has its advantages, but it has more cons than anything. Plus there's really only so much Nasty that can do for me, you know? I know. I got this, I know I do. I just hope I can get stay on track for more than a couple days -- and stay on it for quite a while. This is nothing I can't handle. I just need an attitude adjustment. I also need to get rid of the many distractions I have in my life right now. You know, the ones that really only bring me down for even just a little while...Better decisions include a lot more thought and a lot more logic. Am I right?

I know I can't keep taking breaks the way I do because I tend to let go of the things I'm so passionate about. I have a drive like no other; it's about time I learned to use it fully. I waste too much time thinking about what I could do, what I should've done, where I could've been at, and what I need to get done in terms of my career as opposed to straight out doing it. There's no such thing as trying, in my eyes -- only doing. You're either doing, or you aren't. Trying is a sorry for excuse for those who feel their goals are unattainable. I know I got this on lock because I've got an amazing group of loved ones on my side. Like I always say: Effort -- make none, get none. Sometimes you've got to make all the effort. It's really the only way. I'm more than okay with that because this is all worth it. I've got my head on straight, all I need is to make some changes and start really making moves. I really just need to focus better. Help me, Jesus.

Oh, and don't you dare stand in my way.

Now a side of old roots. I'm back to the way I used to be. Now, that could definitely be both a good thing and a bad thing. Good because I've once again been enlightened to the extent of a brand new, old perspective. If you were me, that would totally make sense. I'm not even kidding. Now, bad because I'm starting to do a few of the things I used to -- & that's definitely not helping out any situation. Especially because my apathy has once again gotten the best of me. I'm really just living now, and like I said: it could definitely be both a good and bad thing. I'm stuck in the middle of figuring out which side weighs more. I really haven't changed. I doubt I ever will.

There's so much life going on, but that's not new at all. I've been enlightened, really. Praise you, Jesus, for fixing my fogged up perspective. Things are clearer again. It must be all the love?

-AMA

Building Walls.

Someone told me I'd be able to take the walls down because I'd find people I can really depend on. Oh, how wrong they were. Let's be real. For the most part, you really only ever have yourself. Truth of the matter: This is your life; your decisions lead to your actions that create your consequences that you have to deal with. Yet, focusing on yourself means you're selfish. Focusing on everyone else means you're too soft to deal with your own. Not at all. I'm not gonna put up a front like I know your business, 'cause really, I don't.

But I do know mine. I know that only a few people know the real Arlaine Ablaza, and only those people are welcome within the walls I've built. I was naive enough to believe the person who told me I'd be able to take 'em down one day, but not naive enough to let my guard down. I know my walls will only ever get higher 'til I meet the person who surpasses all ordinary... It's kind of like soldiers. They don't build walls because they're afraid, but because they're smarter than your average. They know when to come out to fight, but they know when to stay put and wait for better opportunities. It's a strength type thing. So this is me continuing to build my fort, waiting for better people and better days. It ain't easy, but nothing of worth ever is. Ever. You know how it goes...

I'm beginning to see the beauty in everything all over again. It's hard, but I know this struggle's not in vain.

...And alas, my priorities have started to fall back into order. Today was such a productive day, I'm not gonna lie. There's a few things I didn't get done, but there's a lot more things I didn't plan to do that I ended up doing. It's a lovely feeling -- accomplishment. Lately things have been reminding me why exacly I do the things I do, and really, it's such a blessing. I've still got so much work to do, but I also have so much determination to do so. I don't know what touched my soul so lovely in the past couple days, but I praise Jesus for sending it to me. I'm so so so tired. I've really been forcing myself to see clearly with the lights off -- apparently, that does me no good. Though, it really should've been obvious. Fact of the matter is I'm getting there, and it's a good feeling... Oh, it's a b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l feeling.

Almost there, not quite...but almost.

College Apps. already? WHAT?!

So I've been starting to look for Colleges to Apply to & I think I've finally made my mind up about which ones I want to go to, so here it goes:

UC San Diego

UC Irvine

UC Riverside

UC Santa Cruz

and MAYBE

Richmond University in London- (UNLESS someone talks me out of it haha!)

and IF all else fails...(Oh God I hope not)

Cal-State Dominguez Hills

Cal-State Long Beach

Cal-State North Ridge

Cal-State LA

and last but not least...

San Francisco State University

&

San Diego State University

So, all applications are due by November 30th, Ahh I need to start like NOW!

Ahh I'm going to be so so busy when I get back to school. I can feel the pressure and stress coming on already, Man funs over for me. These two months left of this year (Nov. & Dec.) will be crucial for me. VERY. I mean VERY...UGH. Wish me luck you guys & PLEASE, please,please keep me in your prayers! Hopefully I get accepted in ALL the UC's I applied for, oh & as well as the Cal-State's too, haha but preferably the UC's hehe thanks.

Man, so I have to get my SAT Subject test done by Nov 2nd. & then after that I have to take my ACT test and then after that I'm going to take my SAT 1 to try and get a better score than I did last time... Ahhh I have to get this all done by Nov. 30th and plus get all those apps filled out before Nov. 30th as well. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! :/ these are the times when I wish I was still a little girl. *Sighs. Time is flyinnn by too fast :/

-AMA

Time for a Change.

-Pardon my last blog entry, that was uncalled for but that's how angry I felt.

These past couple months I've gone through more than a young girl should. It's been filled with more blasts from the past than necessary. In fact, sometimes I wonder how I ever got through any of it in the first place -- or the second, or the third. You'd think it'd get easier, but it really never does. My decisions have clearly been impaired with everything I once lacked, and everything I've learned to fill for myself. I got so caught up with how hard it is when you put it all together that I forgot how easy it is to ask for help.

There's so much more to life than I've been allowing myself to live. I've made more than enough mistakes in just the past couple months -- mistakes I can't take back, but I've learned never to regret. It's a lesson I learned a long time ago. To be honest, I'm not fully okay just yet. I know I will be in time because I refuse to stop fighting. I refuse. Screw you nostalgia 'cause, in a little bit longer, I'll be more than fine.

So clearly my judgment for the past couple of weeks has been very much plagued with mediocrity, as my best friends would say. I have definitely not been cracked up to what I'm supposed to be, but it happens. Once again, I've been elightened. By what, I'm not sure. I just need to constantly remind myself that I'm better than the things I pull.

Life, It's not always rainbows and butterflies -- TRUE. BUT, that's because life's got hell of a lot more to offer than just rainbows and butterflies. There's so many aspects to look at, but you know what; life's just too good sometimes. I've got so much weight on my shoulders right now, but this is the best I've felt in awhile now. In fact, I feel myself getting back on track. I always tell myself that I really won't get anything if I, myself, do not make any effort. You'd think I wouldn't be happy with myself considering the decisions I've been making lately, but apparently, I'm starting to think a little wider, see a bit clearer, and love a lot better. This life I live is one hell of a ride, but I'm telling you, every single part of it is worth it... Many ask me, "Hey Arlaine. Why don't you regret anything?" I really just smile and say, "because I know that at the moment, it was exacly what I worked so hard to get, exacly what I strived so hard to be, and exactly what I wanted." So on the real, you don't live the good life based on what you got or who you can get. No, not at all.

Oh, I don't know what hit me, but I thank God for it. I'm back. Arlaine is back. I've figured out what's made me the way I've been for the past couple of months, and it's most definitely time for a change. Most definitely. Life is so so beautiful. My excuses for the way I've been acting is not justifiable. Sometimes I wonder how many times I can go through the same thing, but hey that's life. I don't know. I really haven't been acting like myself lately, and I've finally realized it... Screw nostalgia and apathy.

This is me taking it back to where it all started -- because my best gave me the strength to do so. & There ain't nothin like it.

Now, time to make those changes.

#### OFF!

I AM SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW! We're not together dammit, Is everyone satisfied?! my frkn goodness! People, will you just mind your own god damn buisness for once. seriously! omg! I'm so pissed off, I have a very very very low tolerance for sh_t talkers so please just #### off! Don't #### with me, seriously.DON'T... ESPECIALLY NOT NOW. You guys haven't seen me at my worse yet so just leave it that way 'cause it won't be pretty. I'm not even kidding. The next person who starts talking sh_t about me or even dares pisses me off, I swear I won't even think twice it's f_cking on. I swear.UGH! I have sooooooooooooooooo much ANGER bottled up inside of me right now, like it's not even funny. If it has nothing to do with you, just #### off. seriously, making more sh_t than there already is. Gahhh. Just mind your own effin buisness. Stupid a-hole. Don't even get me started...'cause I won't stop. Stop being a little ##### If you have sh_t to say, say it infront of my face, dumbass! Talk is cheap, so just stfu. Before you start talking get your effin facts straight stupid. & especially If it's not your buisness, just stay out of it. We're not together, so what else do you guys f_cking want, seriously. Aren't all of you guys satisfied already, geeez. WTF?! WE'RE NOT TOGETHER, what else do you guys want to take from me? huh?! I mean seriously?! what the hell! what else do you want?! What!? do you guys not have anything better to do with your boring lives?! gahhh. I swear, people these days gahhhhhhh. I'm so jkehfjkfhksdhfksfhksdhf pisssed offf. I can seriously shoot someone right now. You don't know sh_t about me, so just keep your frkng mouths shut! and again, I'm not a subject of your effing ignorant gossips. So just shut the hell up. Before I shut you up myself. GET YOUR FRKN FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR FRKN MOUTH DUMBASS! jhsfdkjfhkdsfksjfksd!!! Okay, I'll stop here before I say something else that might offend someone. Ugh, I'm soooo annoyed/pissed off/ frustrated jkfhkjfhdskfdskjfsh!

--All of a sudden people got game, and they all know how to play their cards right? Too bad I got this on lock. Think what they want, they're only just amateurs, forreal.

I love you Bree & Caresse [:

Breesseaulaine.

Ahh, It's October alreadyyy! Whoa! The Holiday season is just around the corner, and as well as my Birthday (: hahaha!

So today, wassss fun! fun! fun! 'cause I spent it with the most wonderful people ever...Bree, Caresse & Mr. Nehemiah :] so G-dale was fuuun. haha, but you guys had to be there to know what I'm talking about, Caresse's face was pricless I tell you! oh & btw, me & Bree have a new MOM now, and her name is Caresse hahahahahaha right Bree?

(Thats our MOTHER in the middle) LOL! ...aww Paul is missing :/

-Bree said: "haha she is our mom! she has a mommy bag with taco bell napkins in it. lol! you can tell i'm the bad kid cause my face.lol and your smile says your mommys lil angel haha"

Well anyways moving along, ugh today was another freaken hott day ew! It felt soo humid, sticky & what not, t'was so G-ross! Me & Bree felt like pulling our hairs a while ago out 'cause It was soo hott & we were soo HUNGRYYY!

Aw, I miss them already :/ haha and to think I just saw them like four hours ago or so, but heyyy that's a long time, I mean four hours lol that's long enough to miss someone if you haven't seen them. haha. Well with these people I miss them from the moment I walk away from them, haha (AWWW) yeah I know, I'm such a sweetie pieee....hahah NOTTT! just kidding [: But yeah, today was GREAT eventhough it was frickin hott, but it's all good at least I got to spend time with the bestS...HAHA! mhm, good day overall.

UGH! My legs are killing me, I'm soo sore ): and Caresse made me sprint for a minute just made it even worse hahaha oh yeah btw, did I mention that she almost, ALMOST killed me today. haha. yupp! I nearly died today 'cause of her! haha!

Hmm, I guess thats pretty much the highlight of my day, work was alright, just tiring standing there and greeting everyone... lol, I think I've said "Hi, welcome to Hollister, Have you been to our new store 'Gilly Hicks' at the Americana yet?" over 8374984734 times already! oh gosh. oh and this one is my fave "Bye! Have a nice day!" hahaha.

It's so hott, I'm going to shower again...like RIGHT NOW! So I guess I'll end this here, I'll probably blog after I come back from SD! I leave 12am on Friday btw, hehe don't ask why we're leaving at that time,'cause I don't know, haha So bye for now everyone [: Have a lovely weekend!

-Love you Bree,Caresse & Miah [:

"I'd be lying If I said losing you was something I can handle..."