Confused as heck.

So, I've had an o-kay week so far. ehh nothing interesting worth talking about. Yenno, same old, same old, hahaha...like when do things ever get better right? & If they do, it's only temporary...haha. ohh-kay thennn, moving along.

Soo what's good in the neighborhood everybody? I miss a lot of people right now, no one really calls or texts me anymore, it's pretty sad. I REALLY miss getting random phone calls & nice/sweet txt msgs, *SIGHS...where is everybody? is everyone, just busy all of a sudden?...it's either that or I'm just being forgotten now a days. Probably my second guess. But, it's cool. ehh I guess everyone just has more important things to do now a days. Everyones getting/going somewhere. I guess that's understandable, but it would be nice to get a phone call or at least a even a txt msg from people that I havent heard from in a while :/

I am...Unmm, I don't even know right now, I'm having all these mixed emotions & what not...I'm feelin kinda jealous, but can't say why here...but uggh I feel stupid for even feeling this way, but I don't know, I just feel really jealous right now, & I hate it. UGH. I hate this feeling, I feel pathetic cause I think It's ridiculous & stupid why I'm feeling this way...someone please smack me hahaha. no really, please do. ehh I need it. ahh, I feel so stupid. Will someone please tell me why I'm feeling this way ??! & then kindly smack me after that! heh, Thanks... euiyreueiwuyeiueirew!

Confused? Goodness gracious, so am I.

I don't believe in promises & now that I think about it, I'm afraid of commitment...just a few things I've learned about myself lately. I miss...*SIGHS

--I read someone's xanga a few mins ago, & I feel really horrible right now :( 'cause this person means a lot to me, & It really affects & hurts me to know that this person feels this way. I wish I could somehow make everything better for this person, or at least cheer him up in any way possible, I wish I could take all the sadness and pain away. If I could, I definitely would. I know it's so hard for him to keep himself together, & I can see that he's struggling, even though he doesn't show it, but I know he is, deep down inside. It's not easy waking up every morning & realizing that the one person that means the most to you, Isn't there anymore, It's not easy to hold in all the tears when you feel like breaking down & crying...I can't imagine how he feels, cause I'm not in his position or shoes. But I admire the fact that he still stands strong. I know he's been through a lot and I just want to be able to be there for him, to make him happy, to make him smile 'cause he deserves it for being such a good person that he is. I feel really bad for all the times I've said things to him out of anger that I didn't even mean. I wish life was like typing so that you can always go back and delete your mistakes...but what's done is done. So now, I really just want to be the best person I can be for him, 'cause he doesn't need this crap. He deserves to be happy... and to YOU, (you know who you are) If you're reading this, I want you to know that I love you and I'll always be here for you, no matter what the situation or cirumstances are and... I won't ever leave you.

I hate this weather, it's sooooooooooooooooooooo frkn hotttt! It's annoying I have a frkn migraine cause of it. UGH. I want to swim in a pool full of ice in it...haha (like I can swim lol) Okay it's scorching hott in my room, I need to get out of here, so I'll finish this later or manana when its a bit cooler.

-AMA

Clear my mind...

My weekend spent in the valley was wonderful, besides the fact that IT WAS FREAKEN SCORCHING HOTT OVER THERE, ugh!, like no joke It felt like 110 degrees or something. seriously!... but anywho, I had a great time with my cousins & aunts and everyone else. Our nights conversations,playing poker & DRINKING are always endless when I'm over there, haha. that's cause my cousin's house is a "Partyyy House".(HAHAHA) mhm, haha Yeah well funs over for me, hah 'cause I'm back home now, mhm yep "back to reality" (sadly) *SIGHS...Back to my grip and grind guys. -Ugh!


On a more depressing note:


So, My Aunt in SD died today, she had cancer ): (my mom's side) at 11 in the morning, so I won't be in LA this weekend either, I'll be in San Diego. I leave Friday Morning...*Sighs. I'm glad I saw her though the last time I went to SD. The last time I saw her she had lost all her hair already 'cause she was on soo much medication & she was going through a lot of chemo & what not, I guess it was just her time to go. ..I feel so bad for my cousin Vanessa, (Ate Van, I love you!) and my uncle...she's the only child & she was REALLY REALLY REALLY close to her mom. It's so sad. kjsfhdsjfkshiyeggejdas. :( Just talking about all this is truly depressing...


So I guess it's time I open up my mouth about this and just put this out there already, so as most of you all know, whoever is reading this that's from my church...um, IF you guys are wondering WHY? I haven't been to church, singing in church or going youth night lately is 'cause We're moving churches & there is NO WAY in this world that I can change my parent'S minds about this jkhdjkdkjshk...We're leaving church for the stupidest reason ever, It's ridiculous. like seriously. It's such a stupid reason to move churches. STUPID I TELL YOU. UGH...I rather not explain why in detail here but yeah...just letting all you guys know now, so It won't be such a big surprise later on :( this really REALLY sucks, I mean seriously this is like affecting me in every worse way possible. ahhh, I miss everyone already, like no joke I feel like I havent seen anyone in quite a while, I miss all of them already. *SIGHS ahhh. this is so stupid. soo stupid. I'm so annoyed, po'd right now because I think this is so ridiculous! ...but there's nothing I can do about it...jkfhkjsfhskjfshdj AHHH. I mean I've been going to this church since I was 6 I practically grew up in there & met some of the greatest people there who have been there for me & affected my life in such a positive way, (which I may add that they aren't just friends to me anymore, they're all family to me.) ahh, this really blows just talking about it makes me want to cry...so I'll just stop here. I miss everyone too much :(


I'm so I don't even know. I've been down in the dumps for ages now. This needs to come to an end. like seriously...UGH. Okay,I'm getting tired, I'll update more manana. Have a good week everyone.

-Arlaine

"We're all waiting for something, but I'm probably waiting for nothing..."

"This could be nothing, but I'm willing to give it a try..."

Um, I don't know what to write. This weeks almost over, can't believe it's Friday again tomorrow, man my vacation is going by fast ): I'm going to be really busy these upcoming weeks...

hmm, Let's see what's on my agenda:

09.26.08-work @ Hollister 9:ooam-1:oo pm then work @ Modeling Agency 3pm-7pm

09.27.08- AP Bio. Meeting 9am-12pm then work @ Hollsiter 3:00pm-7:00 pm

09.29.08-work @ Hollister 1:00pm-6:00pm

10.1.08-work @ Hollister 12:00-4:00pm

10.2.08- I don't know yet? (Hopefully I'm off this day!)

10.4.08-AP Bio. Meeting 9am-12pm then work @ Modeling Agency 12pm-6pm

...I shall add to this as the weeks go by.

Man, I'm turning into a WORKAHOLIC just like Bree. hah, well it's better than me just staying home and doing nada, am I right? haha, I mean don't cha think so? I'm actually being productive for once..haha! You guys should Congratulate me for that.

Today, was a very fun but as the same time a very exhausting day..."I'm pooped"

Mhm, um I'll update more later on, I'm too lazy right now. hehe, tootles :)

P.S.- You guys can visit me at work IF you'd guys like to! haha [:

"You simply can't make someone love you if they don't..."

Waking up this morning was such a dread. I didn't really have any plans today but I decided to be resourceful and productive today, but that didn't happen either. I WAS suppose to go jogging early in the morning & then go to the mall, but eh I got too lazy.

...Besides the facts of my day, lately I've been thinking alot about what belongs and what doesn't in my life. Do I really need a boyfriend? Do I need to do anything at all to be more content? Should I move out? I don't know. Yes. and I REALLY don't know.

I'm really trying to find a balance between what I need and what I want. I wish I was more capable of focusing on what I need more than what I want. I just seem to lack both...lately I seem to lack everything. The only solution really is to just start being more determined with what needs to be done... 'cause I seem to be careless when it comes to it. I seem to be care less with a lot of things lately, is that bad?

I'm so stressed out right now, you guys have no idea what so ever. I'm just soo overwhelmed with everything, with everyone...& especially the drama here and the chaos there. I mean my goodness. Am I a bad person? Is this why all this misery is slapping me in the face?

Oh I don't know, eff it...eff everything. I'm already depressed as it is. whatevers...I wish I can just say that to everything and to everyone ...whatever.whatever. WHATEVER!

Like I said in my last Blog..."We are the cause of our own misery by how we think of the world and ourselves."--you guys can quote me on that :)

What-ever, goodnight/goodmorning!

I HATE HOW EVERYTHING IS SO UNCERTAIN. UGH!

-AMA

I...

give up on everything & everyone.

I've lost my faith in everything...in everyone.


"...and the moment I need you, you're no where to be found"

Learning...

...I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, a lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love warm hugs, or just a friendly pat on the back or even just a simple smile. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn...

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

-Concept of non-self:

Nothing has an independent self. No thing, no person. We depend on our past to what decisions we make today...and there is no such thing as a fixated person. We are the cause of our own misery by how we think of the world and ourselves.

-Attitude/Right intentions-The desire to change direction can make us less miserable. It's the dynamics of desire. Changing habitual reactions of what causes constant pain can be a mere intention to fix self by changing desire and learning from past experience.

--It really all makes sense if you really think about it. Nobody is independent. We tend to cling on to things that make us happy and sometimes we start to become dependent on that one thing or person that makes us happy. Sort of like an addiction.

I LOVE YOU BREE :)

-AMA

Sick, Tired & Uninspired...

I've been sick on and off now & It's really getting annoying, boo mother nature is messing with my system & I hate it! I woke up today running only with four hours of sleep 'cause we had to drop off my sister at UC Riverside earlier this morning, & we just got home, I know I should be resting cause I'm so exhausted from helping her load & unload and upack all her things and helping her get settled, and walking up all those stairs plus walking down all those stairs. Boy that was soo tiring! When we were done helping her get settled I wanted to be carried back to the car, (too bad I didn't) I could barely walk to it...yeah thats how exhausted I was. Oh yeah, did I mention that It was scorching hott over there man I felt like I was in the Sahara Desert or something, hahaha, I highly doubt I'll be going to UCR especially w/that kind of weather ew!

& Then there where five...

So my sister is gone now, I miss her already...aww poor me! ahhh it means more responsibilites, ew! LAME! hahahaha :( (grow up Arlaine, grow up!)

I'm so tired right now, I'll update more later or manana, I'm too lazy...I've had a hectic Saturday & Sunday, I need some shut eye. Tootles (:

...To Be Continued.

September 20, 2008.

I'm so proud of Bree, Paul & Me haha we actually got to pull it off (hah, well kinda) -Caresse's Surprise 18th Birthday Party @ Bj's, haha I guess I can say that all that stressing all three of us went through a while ago paid off? haha yes, It was all worth it...anything for the sweet Caresse of course, she deserved it [:

How do I describe my night in one word? hmmm...wonderful? haha, Yes my night was WONDERFUL (: It was fabulous being surrounded with such wonderful friends! hah, I don't even consider them friends anymore, They're all family to me... I had a lovely night with Caresse, Bree, Paul, Jennica, Luis, Allen, Shonna,Sylvie, Bert, John,Ben, Scott, Alexis, Kish, Sam, Bond, Irma & Her Bf (lol, sorry I keep forgetting his name >.<) Gabriel & Philip...aw, too bad Chiara wasn't there to celebrate with us ):

So to sum it all up...I had a great night, great food...NOTT (I hated what I ordered, stupid Paul jocked my first order!) It's so funny though, 'cause we both ended up picking the same order, which was so weird, haha but I guess thats what happens, heh GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE! haha but anywho I definitely had great friends there :)

*SIGHS, everyone's growing up. everyone's getting/going somewhere...time flys by soo fast, next thing you know It'll be my turn (: ... NINE more months for me! I'm in no rush though, lol well not really...BUT I do wan't a tatoo now haha! I'm trying my best to make the most out of my senior year...even though it was already prettty lame to start with since all my senior loves graduated ): It's all good though I'm glad we all still hang out even outside of school.

So, my sister is leaving today at 9am. which is um 8 hours from now? well yeah she's going off to college as well, her packing has officially begun haha, It's 12:20 am & she's still not done packing. It's crazy. she has soo much stuff & a whole bunch of new stuff to bring with her, haha poor her. Honestly, I'm pretty bummed that she's leaving... the house will be so different, so empty & quiet without her. It's just the me, Leilani & my little brother now...which means I'm the eldest now and I have to step up & start acting like it. My parent's gave me a lecture on how I'm supposed to me more responsible & all these new responsibilites that I have to take care of and do, since Dearah isn't here to do them anymore. I feel like all of it is already starting to hit me. I feel like the whole 'Older Sister' or 'Ate' whatever you wanna call it, is starting to get to me. I'm not complaining It's just that it feels weird, 'cause Dearah is usually always there to do almost everything & help my parents around the house & stuff like that...It'll take some time for me to get used to. Yenno what I mean? haha, yeahhh so no more... little bratty girl status for me, hahaha. I have to "set a good example" from now on for my siblings. Hopefully, I get my act together and do a good job at it...hah, notice I said HOPEFULLY, let me just put that out there hahahaha!

I realized a lot of things about myself tonight, & I'm proud of myself, I can't say why or go into detail here, but yeah... I feel good right now. I'm so proud of myself, 'cause I'm doing the RIGHT THING for once in my life (:

I'm glad that I'm FINALLY able to move on from whatever happened in the past and just forget about it, and start over with some people, I'm happy with where I'm at right now, I'm not fully satisfied but it's enough satisfaction I need for now to keep me sane haha. I feel invincible right now, so no one ruin it for me okay? hah, thanks that would be greatly appreciated!

...and as for love bittersweet love, It's getting/going somewhere? hah, I have no idea where but I'm just going with the flow...It is what it is, and it will be what it wants to be. I honestly dont know...

Well goodnight/goodmorning loves, I'm going to rest now.

With Love, Hugs & Kisses,

-Melinda

"...and it slowly fades away"

You Give Me Something...

I am falling in love with this song, James Morrison is amazing! I want to learn how to play it on the guitar, (Someone teach me! haha please?) ...Marie Digby also did a great version of it too (:

If someone serenaded me with this song, I'd probably fall in love with them too, hahaha just MAYBE. hahaha (;

"For every piece of me that wants you, Another piece backs away"

Breeaulaine Day :)

Haha, so today was great, 'cause I got to spend it with my two favorite friends Bree and Paul (:

It was fun hanging out with them, The conversations are never-ending with Bree & Paul! and Neither are the laughs, for the record. haha, (Bree, I hope me & Paul kept you entertained LOL! )

We had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, mmm! Oreooo Cheesecake! YUM! ... Some WAITRESS named "Christian" was tryna hit on Bree hahahaha, just kidding...NOTTT, It seemed like she was trying to, hah eww. But yeah...she did look like a dike though (no offense) I was kinda weirded out by her, she had staring problemos.

Anywho, so yeah after lunch the three of us walked around the Americana looking for...I can't say it here but yeah we went walking around looking for some stuff, and that was fun too especially the part we're Bree showed me this Sex for Dummies handbook thing in espanol, (& NO THAT WAS NOT WHAT WE WERE LOOKING FOR! ) hahaha!

So moving along, Yes! today I must say was awesome for the most part...except the part where it was hecka burnin hottt outside, ugh I hate this weather. I'm getting darker. haha, EW! Well that's all that pretty much happened today, It was lovely just in general, loved every minute spent with those two. Okay that's all for tonight. I'm exhausted, I have work from 1-7pm tomorrow ): LAME!

Currently Listening To- You Give Me Something By: James Morrison

I am not...

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

I am not his girlfriend.

Okay, so I think I've got that pounded down inside my head now. I just needed to do that, to remind myself and this head of mine that ...I am not his girlfriend...we're just friends, yeah just friends. I think I've got it now.

" It's like waiting for rain in a drout...long & dissapointing"

To the oh so WONDERFUL Caresse Isabelle Fernandez...

Happy 18th Birthday!!!

Hope you have the best birthday ever 'cause you deserve it (:

Have a Happy Birthday Sister!

I LOVE YOU! :]

Until The End Of Time...

I am in love with this song, listen to the lyrics, I dare you not to fall in love with it.








"...cause if your love was all I had in this life, Well that would be enough Until the end of time"

Chaos.

Theres so much on my mind right now. I've been trying so hard to get my life together but theres always that thing at the back of mind that I know I can't control. Sigh.

Today was very stressful. Theres so much crap to do and I'm depending on myself to do it all. I don't want to complain but it seems to me that all the help that I'm getting is the help from myself. I really try to also be there for everyone I care about. But I would never expect anyone to make any sacrifices for me that they didn't already want to. Which is fine with me. Thats why I call myself independent because to me, I know how to handle my own. Being unobtainable or independent is not just about distance or physical proximity. It has to do with how much of your mind space everyone has access to. I try not to show that I'm struggling ever. And I think thats why a lot of people think I've got it down. It's really hard work.

During these times of focusing on whats more important, I am, what I need to work on first. And thats something I need to keep telling myself everyday. Because I do care a lot about my friends and I seem to be putting a lot of them first. I just need balance.

I'm really trying to find a balance between what I need and what I want. I wish I was more capable of focusing on what I need more than what I want. I seem to lack both. The only solution really is to just start being more determined with what needs to be done. I seem to be careless when it comes to it. Eh. Its just the truth.

So today, was terrible. It was bad thing after another and after another. effin crap. I seriously feel that I've been making horrible choices lately. My priorities are eff'd up more than ever and I'm so distracted by everything. I guess you can say I'm one of those "having her moments" typa chicks that really can't stick to a set agenda. My life runs sporadically and everyday is a new crazy story. I just don't share it with the world. I just dont think my life would be that interesting to hear anyways. I'll eventually have to learn things the hard way, don't you think? And they are finally hitting me now and hitting me quick. All I really need to do is chill. I know that unlike most people, "Normal people", the majority of my time I'm actually wasting my time away doing unimportant crap. Almost like this blog.

Its like once every blue moon I get knocked up with some sense of stability and reassurance in my life. The common things that are noticed every day by a responsible person. Yea, I'm a f_ck up. Arlaine f_ckin up. So, I know my problems aren't as bad as most kids my age, but seriously, I have never felt so troubled before. I'm always with that eff it mode and my minds so used to sticking to that mentality. I really feel that I need to really change and step up, like foreals, in my studies. Its now or never. I even cleaned up my entire room hoping to keep myself busy and a little bit more at ease. It helped just a bit. Talk is cheap. And I know starting today, things will change. It's all up to me. Anyways, I think I have done all the venting I needed to do.

Waiting, Wishing and Wanting...

...With only a third of the recommended hours of sleep, I felt incredibly groggy and sick this morning. It isn't the greatest experience waking up, getting dressed, and walking down the stairs when your eyes are half open, teary, and witnessing doubles.

This week just sucks! the love sucks, & it might just get worse. I miss my best friends, and lately I find myself missing Paul most of the time. I need to calm down, but there's just no opportunity for me to do that. man, I hate it when im like this.

UGH I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AND IT'S KILLING ME. I can really use some salt,lime & Hornitios right about NOW! It sucks to want everything and nothing at the same time.

It's been two months since we've broken up...and I've been debating with myself every night, weighing the pros and cons of what to do with all this...

It sucks knowing that he can never look at me the same way again or atleast feel the same way about me again, and It hurts me knowing that I'm NOT the "main girl" in his life anymore. It really blows... and for some odd reason It's been bugging me A LOT lately, like its REALLY BEEN BUGGING the heck out of me. I spend almost every second wondering and worrying when will things ever go back to how they used to be, or I mean at least back to normal.

When people ask me how me & Paul are doing or if we're together or not, I want to be able to give them a straight answer, I want to be able to smile (: and say "yes we're doing good" and "yes we're back together"... NOT just smiling/laughing or walking away everytime someone asks me that. (which I have been doing all that for the past two months now!) and It REALLY SUCKS.

...and the thought of just letting him go...I mean honestly, who am I fooling?... "It's easier said than done"-and that is so true, soo true I tell you. Everything is easier said than done... and me being the Arlaine I am, I can't let go. Not in a million years that is. Letting go is not even an option to me, its a form of making myself feel even more miserable ): I can't do it, I just can't.

Ugh, every aspect in my life just sucks right now. I mean everything just totally blows right now and I hate it. I absolutely hate hate hate it! I hate everything thats happening right now.Everyhing is really difficult right now and It's really hard for me to trust that everything will be okay, 'cause It's hard to stay positive when there's only negativity all around you.

Oh and one more thing...to top it all off, I just lost another friend ugggggggggggggggggh. Eff all this seriously. It's all Bullcrap. It is. AHHHHH!

I don't know what to do anymore. someone help me :( I'm so lost.

If no one can help me,someone just shoot me, that's even better, and right about NOW would be a good time to do that.

That's enough for today, I'm not feeling good and I'm pooped!

ENOUGH SAID.

"...I'll never let this go But I can't find the words to tell you & I don't want to be alone, But now I feel like I don't know you..."

Tres.

Some people say that...

"Third time's a charm."

and I find that to be true :)

So Innocent and Pure (:

Meet my new baby cousin Maddie...

Welcome to the family baby Madelyn, Born on 9.14.08

Isn't she adorable? Can't wait to see her in October (:

I just realized...

that things will NEVER be the same again and knowing that is truly depressing ):

Someone cheer me up. Please.


It sucks just being...wait nevermind, I rather not mention that here or at all. scratch that.
ahhhh. I need help.

I'm so LOST right now.




"...but you say I'm just-a-friend"

OVER-whelmed.

So I started working today, and It was fun, besides the fact that I'm sick and had a fever and massive headache, and plus the fact where I looked like total crap today... but I'll tell ya guys one thing...it's wayyy less difficult than my last job haha, yeah It was fun. I love the people and the atmosphere and the smell of the store too, haha and I like the music they play as well. Everything was good in general.

So after work, I had lunch with Ate Faith & Kuya Mike at Ichiban, Er and Halcon were there too but those losers didnt eat with us! Yeah and then we bumped into Ate Char, Jenn & Elok...I feel a little bit better now that I got to spill out all my emotions out to them haha, mhm yeah that was fun. Especially the part when Ate char bought those really disgusting, nasty tasting jelly beans ewwwww! Those were soo gross! SO GROSS I tell you, haha they have flavors like vomit,molded cheese,booger,ear wax and so on..gosh that was soo disgusting, try them at your own risk hahhahaaha.

Man, Saturday a'wastin, psh.It was very ANNOYING!

Saturday=One of the worst days of my life.

Moving along, my personal life, if you guys are wondering, is pretty damn boring...

Oh my gosh.So yeah, there's drama, once again! EFF DRAMA! gosh, it always slaps me in the face at the one time I really can't afford to deal with it. Life's already been keeping me busy, why the hell does drama butt in now? or ever if you wanna think of it that way... ahh whatevers! I'm not over it, but I'm most certainly on my way to just forget it all. I don't want to deal with it. I need to stay focused with school, church, & work? haha. I'm aiming for success (: but back to the topic, "Eff it." NO VACANCY for DRAMA HERE. Thankyouverymuch.

...and plus I have other much more important things to do...I need to take care of myself and learn how to make myself happy before anything else.

The past few days have been very...overwhelming? I think that's the word for it, yeah I think so. Um, I don't even know where to start, there's just so much going on in my life right now, and half of it is just drama created by low lifes that have nothing else better to do with their lives but try and ruin mine. I don't want to get into detail, it's not pretty. But yeah, I'll be honest, I am soo out of it right now... I'm not feeling good like at all, physically, emotionally & mentally.

I need to b r e a t h e. Mike was right, I need to get drunk and drink all my problems away, anyone care to join me? hah Ben? Allen? Kimmy? Regina? anyone??? AHHHHHHHHH! seriously. okay, next weekend. just kidding...NOTTT! (;

I usually only write when there really is something to say, which is why I am left dumbfounded as to why I decided to blog today...Okay, I'm sorta done blogging my misery away....Have a good night & week loves.

-AMA

"Justwhocares"

Do it anyway...

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.

Think big anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack if you help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

It's just the way the cookie crumbles.

I have a massive headache and I'm supposed to be resting right now, but I'm blogging away so that I can calm down a bit, Hopefully this helps, oh & Hello Genelle (: (Happy now? haha.)

Okay first and fore mostly, this goes out to all the low life's out there...If you guys have nothing else better to do with your boring lives, stay the hell out of mine! and don't even dare, wait let me emphasize that (inscase you guys are too dumb to understand that or see that!) , DON'T EVEN DARE try to ruin mines! got it, good? thankyouverymuch. --wait actually this goes out to everyone that has nothing else better to do but make me a part of the subject of their ignorant gossips.

MOVING ALONG...

I wish I had more days like the one I described in my last entry. Lately, life's been an extremely emotional rollercoaster, which is causing me to want to emotionally shut down, but I've realized numerous things about myself and it sucks how it took me this long to discover my roots.

Yesterday someone told me, "Arlaine, You need to stop beating yourself up all the time, and just laugh it off, and not care too much." -and this person is very right, and that's very true. I care too much about what people think about me, I care about people too much in general, I always beat myself up and blame myself when things go wrong when half of the time, I didnt even do anything wrong and none of it is really even my fault.

...And realizing that is a real eye opener to me, I need to like wake up! NOW, before sweet life passes me by. So starting today, It's all going to change,I'm going to change that. It's either I care too much or I don't care at all, and you know what, now that I think about it, I rather not beat myself up and be a worried wart 24/7 and I rather just not care at all. Seriously, I just don't give a crap anymore about what people think or say, I dont have to prove anything to anyone, I really don't have to prove myself. I've been doing that for too long now and trying to please everybody and somewhere, somehow, someone just has to draw the line.

Believe whatever you want to believe 'cause what you see is what you get and nothing more than that. Everyone has their own perspective of an individual and whatever they think or say about you, you'll just have to respect that, am I right? whether it's good or bad, that's just the way the game works. yes? so just DEAL WITH IT.

I'm not saying I'm not going to care about anyone anymore, of course I still will, just not the the extent where I beat myself up so much all the time, yanno what I mean? enough is enough, only I know who I really am,(besides God of course) So all of you low lifes out there can just shut your freaken mouths up! mhm so yeah, with all that being said no one has the right to judge one another, and I mean NO ONE in that matter, (and YES this includes me haha!) 'cause really when it all comes down, you don't even really know the person inside or even out so just keep your mouths shut if you have nothing else better or nice to say.

...and today, I also promised myself that I would stop mentioning whatsherface, _______. Seriously, I'll stop. That is soo last year, haha I need to get over that already. I feel immature and childish for even talking about her. I'm done with that. I need to like grow-up and like move on, we all have a little growing up and maturing to do am I right? hahaha. Just agree with me (:

...okay So I know I'm downgrading so many what ever you want to call it "nice guys"?, but I guess heaven only knows what's really on their minds, AIN'T FAIR at all, and plus haven't I mentioned that I'm not interested or looking for anyone, like seriously. I'm NOT, 'cause I don't need to. I'm not bragging or anything but some guys just need to getoffmynuts. They're so annoying that I felt the need to blog about it, and I feel like changing my number as well.

Oh and btw, this goes out to everyone... Please don't give my number away without my permission! SERIOUSLY!!! I have enough random guys and stupid, dumb, lame prank callers calling me at midnight and what not...hah, Thanks this would be greatly appreciated.

And I don't want to say anything about my love life because as of right now, I don't have one that's worth listening to.I'll let you guys know when everything gets better...If it ever does.

Well have a good weekend everyone, I have no plan for my weekend yet, so Im just working with spontaneity and luck right now :/ lalalaLAME! I know. haha.

-Arlaine

"...And that's just the way the cookie crumbles"

Hollister (:

So Hollister called me back today, & Yesss, I GOT THE JOB as the model there. haha woo-hoo! Yay for me! I can't believe I actually got it, I think that's really funny though. When the guy from Hollister called me, and told me I got the position I laughed really hard, & he did too. hahaha. It was awkward but funny. Dennng I'm soo goooood! ...So yeah, there's an orientation I have to go to on Sunday @ 9a.m., I guess that means I won't be going to church on that day ): but Thanks to God I got the theee job (: oh and yeah Thanks Er! hahaha! ... I just hope that this time, I'm there to stay. Now at least I can actually say that I kinda have work experience from my last job hahaha.

So Yesterday...

Firstly and fore mostly, I'd like to say Hi to Er again, 'cause I know he's the only one that actually has time to read this crap hahaha thanks Er, & Yes I am annoyed of you [:

AH, updates, updates!

So Yesterday, I must say was awesome! it was just an overall great day for me. I hung out with Alejandro for a while, and after that I hung out with the Yan-Yans, haha (Regina, Kimmyyy & Jan!) around Glendale, It was fun catching up with all of them, haha yeah It was sorta like a reunion, I missed them so much! It was great eating & chitchatting with the girliesss, The conversations are never-ending with them! Neither are the laughs, for the record.

...Yeah can't wait to see them again, we'll be hanging out more often now (:

haha, they were giving me a few tips on the interview which was really funny, 'cause when I got to the interview for Hollister the questions that they told me that they would ask was actually there. haha, she asked my like tons of questions, I was going crazy inside my head haha, she asked me questions about diversity, customer service, and soo much more. The interview was like an hour or so she talked a lot! I mean a lot! lol. But overall, I think I did pretty darn good, haha HOPEFULLY I get the position, or else I'll have to blame it on Er for not praying hard/well enough. Isn't that right er? haha.

Anyways, the past few weeks away from school have been great, well somewhat great that is. haha... I'm hella (yes, I say "hella") happy! Good and bad are interrelating things, and i'm glad to say that the bad is still there, 'cause without bad there wouldn't be good. You get me? I hope so.

I'm having "Old flame jitters,"- You know that a funny feeling you get all over your body ! haha, sometimes irrational but for the most part safe yet vividly real. Just thought I'd put that out there! (:

Hmmm, I'm re-thinking a few friendships, and thinking about ending some, for the good. We'll see...I MIGHT change my mind.

okay well, that's all for now loves. Have a good day!

With Love,
-Arlaine

"No commitment"

Mellowed Down...A BIT.

Actually, I'm not mad at all anymore, I'm so over it, getting mad over that will get me no where am I right? haha yeah of course I am (:

Okay I'm not mad or PO'd about what I wrote about in my other entry a while ago, BUT at the moment, I am pretty annoyed though.

So my PROGRESS report card came in today, & I got a C for AP BIO and my parent's flipped out. I just had a 3 hour lecture because I had a C on my PROGRESS report card! OMG, can you believe that?! Ugh, they make it seem like I'm so stupid or something.(WHICH I'M NOT!) Gosh, they ALWAYS overreact about everything, especially when it comes to me...and when I say everything, I mean EVERY LITTLE FREAKEN THING. My gooodnessss gracious. They need to like Chill the heck out. seriously! I hate to say this BUT If they keep this up, they're going to die young! Sad to say but it's true. They always let the smallest things get to them, and It's so annoying AND It's not just annoying ... It's pathetic as well! They're such ridiculous, irrational & narrow minded people. Seriously. I'm so annoyed right now, SO ANNOYED.I guess it's cause It's that time of month again, well that's part of it. hahaha. Okaay, sorrry too much info. but yeah...you know what I mean. I mean I understand them, I know they only do that 'cause they care about me & everything but, man seriously they need to like chill out...just FOR ONCE.


Well have a goodnight everyone, 'cause I know I won't, 'cause... I AM NOT FEELING GOOD AT ALL ): , I'm in need of some cheering up, 'cause I did NOT have a good day, & It seems like I won't be having a good night either :( *SIGHS

G'night XoXoXo,
-AMA

"Love will keep us together"

Sweeet! Dude!

Anywho, now that I'm out of school, I've lost all discipline and I'm dead lazy! Internet, TV, food. Gosh, I'm back to that? Yes, I guess so. I have loads of homework to finish, but I just don't have the right motivation. I've started on my Gov't, but I quit 5 minutes into it 'cause I felt like doing something else. Someone MAKE me, 'cause I've learned to stop listening to my dad when I turned 5.

The past few weeks have been very somewhat... relaxing, chilled, liberated,tiring,exhausting all at the same time, haha whatever you want to call it. Super? Go for it! I'm beginning to get used to this system called WORK, & Mr.Kristian Paez and I have pledged to start working out again! Haha, sweet, right? Yeahhh, baby!


Hm, Well on a more serious and heavier note,

I'm soo PO-d right now, like it's NOT even funny. It's scary (Right Scott? & Bree? hah)- mhm Yeah, they know It's not pretty when I'm pissed offff. TRUST ME, it isn't. Oh & I apologize for blowing up on you guys (you know who you are) I'm really sorry, that was so out of character. I didn't mean to scare anyone.seriously, sorry. I feel really bad. I should of never screamed or talked like that. ugh. I feel so horrible right now.

...It takes a lot to break me & get me pissed off & most of you all know that, that isn't my character, but today...I was just soo heated. You guys have NO IDEA, no idea what so ever. I'm still mad, but whateverrr thanks to Bree and Scott, I've kinda mellowed down a bit. KINDA.



"It's nothing but disrespect and ignorance in intersession's nuts."

--Gosh. It's harsh, but it's the truth! I'm sick of people disrespecting me and not taking me for a real person. Just 'cause sometimes I'm not the brightest or best person around or 'cause I joke around more than others doesn't automatically mean that I can be degraded,or treated as if I don't have feelings or my own perspective, or even just be treated as less than dirt! SOME People are saying things that are so OUT there and MEAN, it's becoming pathetic, old, and childish! Sure, I joke around, only 'cause laughter's the greatest remedy to any situation, am I right? So just because I'm not always serious doesn't mean that people have the right to treat me like a joke. I'm not always joking around, acting STUPID, 'cause there's a time and place for those kind of things. It's pathetic how people will underestimate me because of how they see me.

I mean, take for example, if someone would just say "Hang up on that b_tch" (OUT OF NO WHERE) in a jokingly way, (which I'm hoping that person meant it as a joke!) whether it was or wasn't in a jokingly way, that's still messed up and I mean, who in their right minds would just something like that? I mean that's so rude, SO RUDE... and I don't give a crap If it was a joke or not, that's hecka messed up and just plain rude...and YES, this is why I'm PO'd...especially that fact that those words came out from a person I least expect it to come from, that's like a SLAP IN THE FACE, oh & the fact that, that person said it infront of someone that I dislike sooo much! Yeah, that's a very nice thing to do.

I bet you're probably thinking, that's it? that's all you're mad about?!....I'd get into details WHY I'm so mad just about that, BUT it would'nt be pretty. SO YEAH. BLAH. I'm so over it. I'M DONE.

Sincerely,
-Arlaine

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

Someday.Sunday.Sunny Day.

So I went job hunting at the the mall again today, haha. I went to Abercrombie (For the Little Kiddies) & Hollister, so I have an interview for Hollister this Tuesday (Sept.9) haha the manager thought I was pretty & had a really nice smile so she asked me If I was interested in doing modeling for Hollister at their store... you know the one that wears their clothing and just stands around & tries to look pretty, haha mhmm yeah that job, & I said umm sure why not? so yeah, we'll see what happens on Tuessssday... AND also have another interview for Abercrombie on the 16th. wish meee luccckkk haha & keep me in your prayers! G-R-A-C-I-A-S [:

...3 more hours & It'll be the VMA's, hehe yay! Can't wait to watch it, I heard it was going to be reaaaal gooooooooood this year so I'm in fulllllll anticipation :) haha I just want to watch it 'cause of Britney Spears. lol.

Okay, well I made a new friend today & I'm Happy. haha. Well, I guess that's all for today I'll update moreeee manana! Have a good week everyone! (:

OHH & Hiiiiiii ER! haha I know you're reading this :]

With Love,
-Arlaine

"IDGAF"

Whatever, whichever, whenever. BLAH.

Work; so I started working on Monday (Labor Day) & it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be haha, waking up at 7am, standing up for eight hours straight and dealing with the cash register haha was NOT easy. Gosh, I was sooo exhausted, I still am btw! I have like pain relieving patches all over my legs, my legs & arms are so sore! but I learned a lot of things, man I was like all over the place, haha. Never in my life have I folded that many clothes hahaha! I also had to put price tags & censors on all of the new arrivals, & then he taught me how to use the cash register & I must say, I hated it hahaha, It was NOT FUN! It was sooo confusing, VERY confusing that is. I'm like OMG I feel so dumb right now. lol, but yeah I felt like I've said "Debit or Credit" more than 9847894574 times in everyday. haha I was surprised there were actually so many customers...

Anywho, I'll get to my point. haha SO, next week is my last week working there, It's a LONG story, Man my friend Kristian was right, the manager there is very rude & very unprofessional, I dislike him soo much. I hope he gets fired! I think I'm going to file a complaint, seriously. Now I understand why everyone told me not to work there. ugggh. I'd tell you guys, but like I said It's a LONG story, so just ask me when you see me, haha. But yeah...Friday is my last day working at IMPRESSION. I advise everyone NOT to apply or even think about working there, I really regret rejecting all those other job offers, now I have to look for a new job. The management at Impression sucks so bad. Man I hate that manager >.< He is such a....

Well I have an interview for Forever 21 next week thanks to KIMMY, so HOPEFULLY I get hired there! lol, forever has WAY better clothes anyways, Am I right? or am I right? hahahahaa [: Wish me luck!

....man, I BETTER get hired there haha, or else I'll be stuck here at home for the rest of my vacation doing NADA!


I am so jealous of Bree, hahaha! Luckyyy her. I envy her soo much right now. hahaha. she knows why... too bad I can't say why here but yeah. I'm envious. but I am VERY VERY VERY happy for her! (Love you cousin<3)

XoXoXo,
-AMA

"Lucky"